I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
