Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
