a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
