I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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