Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
