You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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