Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
