im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
