that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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