I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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