Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
