Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
