U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
