An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
