Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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