dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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