I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
