Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I FOUND THE LEGS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
