I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
