Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
