I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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