"it" just moved
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
