Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize