A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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