You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
