When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
