Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
