I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
