I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
