First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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