I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize