put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
