If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
