from now on my penis is your penis
well you can't waste a boner
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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