I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
