Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
