Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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