she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
