I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Houston, we have a squirter
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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