your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
