If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
