genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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