to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
