He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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