This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
