I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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