she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
