How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
