apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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