Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
