If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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