$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
