so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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