i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
then he tried to convert me to islam
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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