Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
