Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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