I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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