ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
