I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
