Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize