So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
