I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
