I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
