She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
