i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
