Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
