new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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