He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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