I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The air was thick with penises
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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