Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
