I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we're so committed to being not committed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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