So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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