He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
