I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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