if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
