3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
