I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
