I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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