its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
