i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Randomize
